


The measure of a heart

by kameo_chan



Category: Bleach
Genre: Drabble, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-14
Updated: 2011-12-14
Packaged: 2017-10-27 08:24:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/293719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kameo_chan/pseuds/kameo_chan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yumichika reflects on Ikkaku during battle.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The measure of a heart

Yumichika hates watching Ikkaku fight. For all his own love of fighting and unquenchable need to be stronger and better than others, Yumichika really can't stand to watch Ikkaku do battle. Ikkaku only ever truly comes alive and into his own when he fights, surrounded by the stench of death and pain and the bloody haze of another barely-there victory. And because he knows that Ikkaku needs to fight the way other people need to breathe and eat to stay alive; Yumichika watches. Because it's what partners do.

It's not that he's jealous of Ikkaku. In all his life, Yumichika has never been jealous of anyone. He has never met anyone that matches the standard he has set, and that standard is himself. But neither does he disrespect Ikkaku. Of all the men he's ever met, Yumichika knows that Ikkaku is most likely the strongest and fiercest, with the sole exception of their captain. Ikkaku is also the most loyal friend he has ever had. He is, in fact, the only friend Yumichika has ever had, though this is not something Yumichika likes to dwell on. Ikkaku is his equal in all things save perhaps beauty, and because of this, Yumichika watches him fight even though he doesn't really want to.

The real reason he hates watching Ikkaku fight is something a lot more complicated than Yumichika would ever care to admit to. It is perhaps, something a little like pain. It is perhaps, something a lot like fear. Much like the fact that he only has one real friend, these are not things Yumichika likes to dwell upon either. Shinigami are not allowed the luxury of emotions, and so he does not feel pain. He does not know fear.

Except for the times when Ikkaku rushes headlong into battle without hesitation, no matter the opponent or the dangers he might face. Except for the times when there is thick, acrid smoke all over the battlefield and he can't hear or see or sense Ikkaku in the way that he normally can. Except for the times when Ikkaku stumbles towards him, bleeding and concussed and half-dead or maybe more. These are the times that Yumichika knows fear as intimately as an old lover; when he feels pain as keenly as an icy hand gripping his heart.

Yumichika loves fighting as much as any member of the Eleventh. He just doesn't like the fact that Ikkaku is always in the thick of it. But because Ikkaku is at his happiest when he's exhausted and wounded and laughing like a loon, Yumichika reigns in the things he shelters in his heart and merely watches. Everyone has their vices, and if Ikkaku's just happens to be a little more extreme than gambling or drinking, well then Yumichika thinks that he can deal with it just fine. Even if it tears him apart one piece at a time.


End file.
